Seattle, we have a problem and I need your help.
Anyone who is busy likely has, and on more than one occasion, said something like, “I’m so busy I could use a clone.” Being an entrepreneur I decided to actually DO something about it and I commissioned one. It was a remarkably easy process and the clone is quite a handy asset most of the time.
- The clone is great at helping me be two places as at the same time. I can make appearances at social events, even multiple events in the same evening, and no one is the wiser as no one really cross-checks our check-ins to see if there are issues.
- He can be out on the town while I’m home being an attentive father and husband.
- He can clean my desk and catalog all the piles and piles of business cards that have built up over the years.
- He’s capable at Tweeting on my behalf whilst I’m sleeping and he has occasionally met with troublesome clients for negotiating when I was simply too uncomfortable or emotionally attached to the deal.
The problem? He is gone, as in missing and I need your help getting him back.
From here on out I’ll refer to the clone as “It” rather than as “him.” You might find offense at this, but he (It) is a facsimile of me, not the real me. So “It” is him.
You see, It was never allowed in our home. That was strictly off limits to protect the family. Our children have enough issues without dealing with more than one of me out there and having them make an issue out of It.
Getting It back will be challenging as It’s not easily fooled.
Here are some key signs you’re taking with It versus me:
– Recognition – You say something like, “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” and, trying to play the part, It will say something like, “Maybe. Did you go to such-and-such event?” or “Well, I’m big on Twitter and I know so-and-so.” or, “I have a really popular blog and …”
- It’s all an act
- Please remember, It knows nothing and no one
- It is trying to play off of my credibility
– Acknowledgement – It will smile and wave at you thinking It knows you, but It doesn’t.
- It is trying to get something from you. Connections, information, money. Beware!
– Style – It likes to mimic my style, so this can be a little tricky. What might blow Its cover is wearing of the following:
- Workout Apparel – I own it, but I never wear it to really “work-out” in.
- Working Out – Again, a dead giveaway that It is really “him.” I have a gym membership that I might use annually.
- Hoodie – Again, I own one. I’ve no idea why.
– Age – Clones don’t age as quickly as we do. Also, It has no responsibilities, pressures or kids, so It will appear to be a younger, more care-free version of me.
Luring and Capture
Here’s how you can help put a stop to It. I need you to lure, detain and help capture It. Like Superman to Kryptonite, It has weaknesses. If you can distract It or even if you see It, call 911 and report any suspicious activity. Here are some ideas on how to lure It.
- Food – Like me, It really, really likes certain foods.
- Nutella – if shopping at any supermarket check the isle where the Nutella is.
- Oreos & Milk – if you suspect a positive identification, offer either Nutella (see above) OR Oreos and Milk. Both are very distracting to It.
- Socializing – Again, tricky. Remember, Its original job was to attend events on my behalf. It doesn’t like the spotlight though, so It won’t accept speaking gigs like me. It prefers to sit at a table and “act” like It knows people and is having meaningful conversations whilst sipping a Sprite. Or Diet Coke.
- Sleep Deprivation – It doesn’t require much sleep. If you see It at any Starbucks or other events before 9:30 am you’ll know It’s “him” and not me.
Lastly, I’m gonna be out of commission for a few days as our new, baby girl is being born tomorrow, April 6th. ANYONE out and about who looks like me should be a suspect.
Thanks for your help!